Detox (Redefined)

One of my earliest (and most important) Blog-Posts was on the subject of Detox.  I'd like to use that term again, but in a very different light...

There are all kinds of things that we love...  People, places, things, events, activities, philosophies...  There are so many things to love, & so many ways of loving them.  And we never seem to get tired of it---we always seem to be able to find new things to love, & are always so willing to do so.

We love people...  We love people romantically...people who fill us up, ignite our souls, & who seem to take all the luster of life with them when they leave.  And we love people platonically...people who make us smile, laugh, or simply think...people who brighten our day just by being around us.  We love objects...beautiful pictures, delicious foods, electronic devices...  We love all sorts of things...fun & loving animals, enjoyable hobbies & activities, stories & ideas, passions & causes...

Love is an amazing thing...  It inspires us & excites us...it fills us with excitement & wonder...it brings us joy, amusement, & happiness.  It enriches our lives, gives us strength we never thought we had, & makes life worth living.

But love doesn't always feel so good.  With so many things, sometimes we can't obtain or achieve what we love, or can't see it come to fruition.

Sometimes someone we care about more than anything else in the world doesn't feel the same.  Sometimes there's a barrier keeping us from even finding out if they feel the same, let alone if it could actually work out.  Sometimes we give into fear, & can never summon the courage to let someone know how much they mean to us.  And sometimes we don't event know what to say given the opportunity...

Sometimes life keeps---or even takes---a friend away from us before a deeper friendship can blossom.  Sometimes we can't figure out how to tell someone just how much we value their company, & how much joy they bring into our lives.  Sometimes a friend we thought we had simply walks away.  And again, sometimes fear or ineloquence simply stops us in our tracks....

Sometimes the busyness or problems in our life keep us from activities & events we enjoy...keep us from developing talents & starting hobbies that we've always wanted to pursue.  Sometimes life allows us just enough time to start something, but never enough time to finish it...so the sweetest fruits & greatest joys of something remain out of reach.  Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we just can't find or make the time to participate in causes that we deeply believe in, & we simply end up as silent witnesses or passengers to the goings-on of the world around us...

We love so many things, & so often we can't obtain them...  And the longer things go, the more frustrating it becomes.  As time goes by, we long more & more for the things we love, & only grow more discontent with not having them in our lives.  We dream, we hope, we pray, & we strive, but so often we don't seem to get any closer to the things we love.  And sometimes we simply miss our chance...  People leave our lives for good, events come & go, groups dissolve, projects end...  Opportunities pass out of our lives, but our love for them doesn't.  It stays inside us, still loving the thing we never had, but somehow lost.  But whether something we love stays or leaves, the longer our love for something goes unfulfilled or unexpressed, the heavier that love becomes...

Weeks, months, or years go by, & sometimes the things we love stay distant & unobtainable...while our lives are filled with mundane responsibilites & trivial details that our hearts just aren't in, yet somehow take priority.  We think so much on the people, places, & things we love, but end up with far more wanting & wishing than having.  And it starts to hurt.  It starts to ache...  And a part of you starts to resent the thing you love---wishing that you didn't love it so much, because of how much you hate the feeling of wanting it, & not having it.  And when all of this goes too long & too deep, your heart goes dark as you realize that something you love brings you more pain than joy...

When love goes unfulfilled or unexpressed for so long, it starts to sink in & weigh you down.  It starts to eat away at you inside.  It turns bitter & caustic, hurting every time you think about it.  You love it so much, but you hate the way it makes you feel.  There's no reconciling those two things---at some point, you either have to obtain or achieve the thing you love, or you have to let it go.  And not knowing which to do is the worst part...

But the thing that stings & haunts you the most when you can't obtain something you love is when you can't even try---when you can't even really express your love.  You can't tell someone how you feel.  You can't enjoy something wonderful.  You can't take a shot at achieving something great.  You can't be a part of something bigger than yourself.  You can't even find out if the joy, wonder, or happiness you want is even obtainable.  As cliche & contrived a phrase as it may be, we all have so much love to give...  But far too often, fear, busy schedules, higher priorities, or even outright barriers keep that love from seeing the light of day, & it becomes more a curse than a blessing---what began as a precious jewel becomes a red-hot coal that you can't put down.

So I've come to a sad, somber conclusion:  I've decided that love is a toxin---if you get it out of your system, you stay healthy...but if you keep it inside, it slowly kills you...

"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel."

Progression (Or Lack Thereof)

Nothing progresses in my life, it seems... My job, my income, my home... My family relationships, my social skills, my dating skills... My hobbies, my interests, my activities... My dancing skills, my frisbee skills... Anything... I look back over the last year, & I'm saddened by how little my life has changed for the better. I look back over the last few years, & I'm outright distraught by how little my life has changed for the better.

It's not that I haven't progressed at all---but it's been so incredibly slow-going... I haven't made so much progress that I should've by now. I know the word "should" can be dangerous to use, but it's quite appropriate. And so much of what little progress I have made has either been done the hard way, or has (for all kinds of reasons) come far, far too late... I've spent so much time figuring things out on my own. I'm not sure anyone ever really taught me how to progress in life...in anything...

And I've made so very many mistakes myself...

I feel like I have so little control over so many things. I feel like I'm shooting blind in life...like most of life has ended up being based more on luck & happenstance than on skill or reasoning. And I've let myself become such a weak person... I end up basing so many of my decisions on fear---& it's sad, because I keep seeing so many examples of why my fears are largely justified...

I don't seem to know how to progress in life... Obviously I need to start doing some things differently, but as with most things in life, everything is easier said than done...

Nothing progresses in my life, it seems... It's always the same thing, over & over---the same story, the same schedule, the same activities, the same interactions, the same decisions, the same outcome...

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Step It Up, Ladies

On Valentine's day, on a Blog like this, you might expect a post bemoaning singleness, decrying the comercialization of the holiday, or simply pointing out how the day puts those of us without a special someone in their lives awkwardly into the spotlight.

I'll spare you.

Instead, I have a much more constructive thought to consider regarding romance. Most of what I have to say on the subject of dating, I've already said in my previous posts "Girl Drama" & "Courtship Confusion". But I realized that there's something else that I've thought about quite a lot, but haven't posted on.

I've said before that girls should be as willing to ask out guys as guys are to ask out girls. Too many people cling to archaic gender-roles, thinking that they guy has to act like this, & the girl has to act like that, until that's all it becomes is an act---when it's supposed to be two mutually-interested people, being themselves, & getting to know each other better.

Some girls might object that "If the guy's interested in me, why doesn't he just ask me out? Then I wouldn't have to ask him out." While some girls might say that to simply pass the buck, it is a legitimate question. Aside from the obvious circumstance of the guy not being interested, why don't we ask girls out?

Sometimes we're interested, but don't feel compatible---we feel like we get along well as friends, but that differences would be too much for anything romantic to work out. Sometimes we're interested & feel compatible, but feel like there's a problem (or at least a potential problem)---an age/maturity difference, a religious difference, a physical distance, etc.

Sometimes we're just afraid...of a lot of things. Sometimes that amounts to little more that spinelessness, but sometimes it's more legitimate. Like everyone else to some extent, sometimes we're afraid of awkwardness if she isn't interested, afraid of coming off too strongly & scaring her off, afraid of being nervous & not making a good impressing, afraid of being awkward & making an outright bad impression... And as I've elaborated on at length before, sometimes we're afraid she'll say yes to a date, even if she's not interested...

But regardless of any validity among any of these concerns or fears, girls often have a legitimate reasons to pass the buck (to an extent). They could say "decide whether or not the difference/problem really matters" or "swallow your fears & just do it". But there's another area where the guys really can't take the blame---and where the girls are in the best position to do something about it.

As guys, sometimes we don't ask a girl out because we're under a mistaken impression of some kind about her. It could be that someone lied to us (for whatever reason), or that someone already misinformed passed on bad information to us, or that we overheard or interpreted someone's words or actions wrong, or that we simply make overly-broad assumptions about something. Regardless of the cause, sometimes we come to think that a problem exists that really doesn't.

Sometimes we think that a girl is a different age than she actually is. Sometimes we think that a girl is a different religion than she actually is. Sometimes we think that a girl lives further away than she actually does. Sometimes we think that a girl has a boyfriend when she actually doesn't.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, we think that a girl isn't interested in us when she actually is. We often get these ideas in our heads that "I'm this kind of person, she's that kind of person, & we've had these kinds of interactions---if she was interested in me, I would've seen some sign that she was (or at least might be)." These assumptions are ridiculous, of course, because you never know what's going on inside someone else's head. Sometimes one person is really interested in another person, but are so nervous, they end up largely ignoring them---that doesn't exactly scream of romantic interest, & is easily interpreted as a lack of interest.

The ultimate point is that sometimes, through no fault of our own, us guys feel like we have a legitimate reason for not asking a girl out, when in reality it's based on bad information. At that point, ignorance is bliss, & we really can't be blamed for not asking the girls out. But girls have the power to do something about it.

If a guy is hesitent to ask a girl out because of compatibility, a potential problem, or an outright problem, the girl can ask the guy out---which will either end with both of them knowing it wouldn't work, or forcing the guy to take the time to find out if it would work (i.e., by going out with her). If a guy is simply afraid to ask a girl out, the girl can ask the guy out---letting him know that she's interested, & overcoming the problem of his fear. And if the guy isn't asking a girl out because of a mistaken impression, it may appear to the girl that he's not asking her out for no good reason (or that he's just afraid), in which case, the girl can ask the guy out---which will quickly bring to the front the mistaken impression he's under, allowing her to set him straight. In all cases, the solution to the problem is that girls need to be as willing to ask guys out as guys are to ask girls out. Not that girls need to do the asking instead, but in addition to. It's a win-win situation.

Some girls may object, citing their own fears. But if you object to our fears, I equally object to your fears. Some girls think it's more forward for them to ask guys out than vice versa---but guys & girls are equals in this day & age, so if it's not overly forward for us to show our interest, it's not overly forward for you to show your interest. And consequently, if you turning a guy down isn't automatically disatrously awkward, a guy turning you down isn't automatically disastrously awkward.

Additionally, some girls will claim that they don't know how to ask guys out. But most girls have been asked out before, & have certainly talked with other girls about the ways that guys ask girls out. So if I asked you what the "ideal" way for a guy to ask you out is, would you know how to answer? If you do, then why can't you ask a guy out that way? But I would guess that most girls wouldn't be sure how to answer. And that begs the question: What makes you girls think that us guys have any more of an idea of what we're doing than you do?

And that leads us to another point---I think girls being willing to ask guys out will help both sides better understand what it's like for the other side. Girls asking guys out will help them know what it's like for us---trying to figure out what to say, when to say it, how to repspond to their reaction... It takes a lot of courage to ask someone out, & if girls knew what it was like, they'd be much more willing to cut us guys some slack on the subject. And girls asking guys out will help us know what it's like for them---when someone asks you out completely unexpectedly, & you find yourself totally unprepared, unsure how to respond (whether that's in trying to hide your exitement or your awkwardness). Being put in that position would help guys understand what it's like for girls to think of a reaction on the fly & maintain social composure.

Girls, this is the Twenty-First Century. Guys & girls are equals. Girls need to be as willing to ask guys out as guys are to ask girls out. It forces concerns & problems out of limbo & into resolution, it dispells needless fears, it overcomes the problems of misinformation, & it helps both sides to better understand each other.

On yet another Valentine's day alone, I'll bemoan my singleness privately. But for all the girls who are unhappy about yet another Valentine's day alone, I ask this simple question: Are you actually DOING anything to have a dating life, or are you just expecting the guys to do all the work?

Step it up, ladies.

"Who could refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart courage to make love known?"

Decay

I'm tired of watching the things I love die...

Dance venues...other social circles...friendships... I look at how many things--things that I've cherished so deeply over the years--have come & gone, & it makes me so incredibly sad...

The Weber State Swing Club... It was my first introduction to social dancing, something new to belong to (where I didn't "fit in" with the Band crowd anymore), & it led me to the first thing in my life where I could be confident with girls. But once the Dance Team formed, we lost our core group of regulars...& it floundered on & off for several more years... Then once the Union Building started getting renovated, we got kicked out of the Ballroom, & into the the carpeted Gallery. And it came to the point where there were several times more High Schoolers than College-age kids coming. That was such a depressing fall & winter...watching the Swing Club die was so painful...

The Golden Skillet... It was such an awesome dance venue, with such quality dancers, & then it died down for no apparent reason... They "remade" it as the Downtown Stomp, & it had its moments on & off for a year or so, but with the economy, it kept struggling...& went down to 1 night a month...then died altogether...all because not enough people were willing to support it, & no one new wanted to be in charge...

The Murray Arts Centre... More than any other dance venue, more than Game Night, more than Frisbee, more than school, more than Institute, more than church, more than any other social scene, the MAC felt like "my arena". It was the place I felt most comfortable, most confident, & most at home. The first few years were so amazing... But with the downturn in the economy, it slowed down...and kept going down...until the point that hardly any people were coming...it was like Weber all over again... The gigantic crowds at the final dance, & at the Masquerade the next spring, gave me hope that things could come back, even if only once a month--but the lackluster attendance for the Halloween Dance was so depressing... As much as I love my other social circles, nothing has even come close to filling the hole that losing the MAC left...

Uru... It was such an amazing computer game... An incredibly original idea, with heart, & depth, & a rabidly devoted fan-base, & so much potential... But like so many other things, it was held back by the economy, & limited & fiddled around with by fear-based investors afraid to give any untested idea a decent chance... And it died... It knocked the wind out of us...it absolutely broke our legs... We managed to keep it alive on a small-scale, & eventually got another full-blown chance for it to succeed--but it was just held back again, & doomed to die once more... And while there's so much potential for what it could become in the hands of the fans, the Community is simply floundering...steeped in squabbling, narrow-mindedness, fear, & a lack of motivation...

Friends... I've seen so many friends come & go... And I know that it happens All kinds of people come & go in your life--it's unavoidable. But I've seen so many people go that I wanted not to so badly... A lot simply because they moved away or moved on in life. But other friends whose loss...hurts...so much more... People who were around almost every week, & then completely disappeared once they got married, literally never to be seen again... And several people who drifted away for no apparent reason...no matter how much effort I put in to prevent it...

And now the University of Utah Swing Club... It's far from dead, but it's in such a lull... I've been a regular there for nearly 7 years, & I've lost count of how many times I've seen it come close to dying in that time... We've always stuck it out until a change of the seasons brings in an influx of new people, but I'm having such a hard time with it this time... I've been a regular at Swing Club for longer than at any other venue or social scene in my life--it's where the core of my group of friends has come from. But our group has changed so much over the last year, & with this new downturn...

A lot of my pain over all this goes back to one of my Blog-Posts from about a year & a half ago--"Change". With so little change for the better in my life to fill the holes left by things that have changed for the worse, the change for the worse hurts so much more... So I guess the key is to learn how to make the good kind of change happen... I know there's no strict formula for it, but it's not something anyone ever really helped me learn...in anything in life... And until I can figure out how to do that, I'm so afraid that I'm going to have to watch more of the things I love--more venues, more circles, & more friendships--die... Including ones I'm not sure I can bear to lose...

"Fate has cast us into the mouth of a crucible, without knowing whether we are to be tempered by the flames or utterly consumed by them."

Trust & Time

I really need to Blog more...

I got new car insurance. I went on vacation to Mysterium in Boston. And now I'm quite close to broke. But other than that, pretty much the same old... I've been struggling to figure out what to Blog about that wouldn't just be rehashing what I've said before. But I think I have something...

I'm truly close to very, very few people. And I know that a number of friends that I've had for years still don't "get" me...and they don't get why they don't get me.

A big part of the issue is trust.

I'm very not accustomed to opening up to people. There's always the fear of whether or not I can trust them to respond properly, accept me, understand me...my fears, feelings, secrets, history, struggles...

But it's more than wondering if I can trust them regarding themselves--it's wondering if I can trust them regarding other people.

I've had several experiences over the last few years where I was with a small group of friends, talking about other friends & people. And during each of these experiences, one of my friends (different for each experience) told us something quite personal about the friend we were discussing. And each time, it was also particularly regarding one of the other friends in the conversation.

Each time, my first reaction was "...Why are you telling us this? Doesn't this strike you as something that so-and-so told you in confidence? This is none of our business..." But my second & strongest thought was "Why in the world are you telling this to this other person??? Don't you think that they're the last person so-and-so would want you to tell???"

Each time, I was just astounded that my friend would breach the confidence of our other friend--& to top it off, to the last person that they should... And sadly, each time, the friend who did this was someone I had been thinking up 'til then that I could start opening up to... So much for that...

I don't want my personal life to be made a public spectacle. Whether it's about a girl I like, someone I'm having a conflict with, something I'm embarrassed about or ashamed of, something I'm really sad or depressed about, something I'm afraid of, or anything else that's particularly personal, private, or sensitive--when it comes to my personal or private life, anything I'm genuinely self-conscious about, or anything that's truly serious or a big deal to me, I don't want an audience. I don't want play-by-play commentary, I don't want to be given a hard time, I don't want to be ganged-up on. And I certainly I don't want any of that from people who don't know enough to understand those personal things.

I don't mean this in a mean way, but one of the most important social lessons people need to learn is when to keep their mouth shut...

So yeah, I have trust issues...but I really feel they're justified. But just by realizing this, you can't just say "Alright, I promise I won't say anything to anyone--so open up to me." Open, trusting relationships take time. And most of the time, those who try w/me use a far too...assertive approach. I don't respond well to being watched, confronted, or judged. I really think a lot of my friends don't really understand how introverts think, & how to deal with them. So as much as I know my friends mean well, to those of them who still don't "get" me, & still don't get why they don't get me, I would simply ask this:

Beyond small-talk & confrontation, what have you actually tried?

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved."

Alone & Distracted

I've been looking at my life a lot lately, & for so much of it, I just don't understand how I got here...to where I am right now... All the reasons & details are such a tangled mess, it's hard to explain it all or place blame. But I have come to understand something.

As I've posted about before, there are all kinds of things in life that no one ever really prepared me for. They just kind of said, "When it comes to this point in your life, you're going to do this...when this time comes, theses things are going to happen..." BULL-HONKEY. Things in life don't go according to a nicely-formatted plan. Especially when you don't get much help...

There are so many things in life where people just weren't there for me. I don't want anyone to think I'm just victimizing myself & trying to absolve myself of responsibility or blame--I've made far more than my share of mistakes. But there are certain things in life where certain people should be there for you. And all too often for me, those people weren't... Parents, teachers, counselors, church leaders... They all certainly meant well, they were all certainly "around", & they all certainly brought up the subjects of the important things in my life.

But most of them really didn't do much of anything to contribute... There's all kinds of reasons, I suppose... They figured that I'd "get around to it" at some point... They figured I was getting those things from other people... They figured that "no news is good news" (which is one of the biggest lies ever told)... I never expected people to just do everything for me, but they didn't even really teach me what I think are some of the most important things I needed to learn.

No one did much of anything to help me learn how to get a job. No one did much of anything to help me learn how to date. No one did much of anything to help me learn how to get financial aid for college. No one did much of anything to help me learn how to find out what I wanted to go into in college. No one did much of anything to help me with my personal weaknesses/struggles. No one even really seriously asked me how I was doing with any of those things, & if there was anything they could do to help. I've mostly had to figure things out on my own...

But the real kicker is that I've been able to get away with largely failing at all of those things. It's never come to the point where I had to do any one of those things, or my life would fall apart. My parents are willing to let me live at home, even at my age, which is great, but then there's no point where I have to move out, get a better job, or even go to college. I could go the rest of my life without dating, & nothing would ever "hit the fan". And other things in life...any unsatisfactory conditions or even outright problems have never been something that will reach a definable, physical "boiling point". I can technically keep going on this way indefinitely...

And the reason I have is because I've just been avoiding my problems. Distracting myself from them. From depression & pain. I've struggled most of my life with depression...and it's never really gotten much better. I got teased a lot in Elementary School, which...damaged...me as a person... I've never fully recovered...I'm still much more socially isolated than most of my peers. And as much progress I've made, I still have to deal with the pain of not being where I want to be.

I'm not where I want to be in anything in life. I'm 26 1/2 & still living at home. I make hardly any money. I feel insanely inadequate in dating. I have no idea what I want to do for school or work in the short-term, let alone a long-term career. And all those things cause me pain. Pain from my current circumstances, & pain from the uncertainty & hard work it will take to change things. And so I just don't deal with it. I haven't progressed in life because I spend my time avoiding the pain. I've become an expert on not dealing with things. The end result is that it's made me very, very weak as a person. And that only compounds the problem, because I don't do the hard work it will take to change things...

Among all the varied & chaotic things that have led me to where I am right now in life, they all have a common thread: I've spent most of my life alone, distracting myself from my pain.

Letting that realization sink in, it helps to better explain how I got to where I am today. But it doesn't really solve anything...I'm still so far behind my peers, & so weak as a person...& so afraid... I guess the trick is to learn how to endure the pain that the required hard work will cause...to endure it long enough until I actually get some kind of "pay-off"...until the pain & work actually accomplish something...

"One alone cannot bring in a harvest."
"A distracted existence leads us to no goal."

Your God

Scripture talks about other gods.  But not always in the context of some supreme being, with a religion devoted to it, with idols of it made to be bowed down to.  Sometimes a "god" can be any thing, person, or idea that we place at such high importance in our life, mind, or heart, that its pursuit consumes us.  Sometimes these things are petty, irrelevant, unhealthy, damaging, or outright horrible things.  And sometimes they're actually good things, but not things that should be given paramount importance instead of God himself.

For some people, it's money---the desire to obtain stuff has a draw on all of us, & for some it becomes their ultimate quest.  For some, it's power---wanting control, over not just their own life, but over their business world, their family, their friends, & sometimes anything/everything else.  For others, it's sex---nothing means more to some people than getting as much carnal pleasure as possible.

Then there's people who simply take good things too far.  Some people make their career their god---their purpose in life becomes the hollow pursuit of achievements, promotions, & titles.  For others, it's their hobbies---their zeal to enjoy life takes control.  And it can be many, many other things...

The problem with making something your god that isn't God is that it skews your perception & priorities, & gets in the way of more important things.  Most notably God, of course.  But when we place something at as high a level as God, to become a god itself, we start sacrificing so many things for it, when it's really not something that deserves so much sacrifice & devotion.  And all the other important elements of our lives suffer when we over-prioritize something that much.

Sadly, far too many people make something else their god.  Even good, caring, God-worshiping people often inadvertently make something else their god, relegating God himself to the back seat.  It often starts by genuinely pursuing a good thing---but too much success, or a lack of success, or peer/societal pressure, or other things cause us to focus too much of our energy on something else, even something good, because we don't have what we want, or because things aren't how we think they should be.

I'm a devout believer in God, & I try most days to grow closer to him.  But I have to admit, I'm also one of those people who has another god.  I won't say what it is, but I will say this much: It's not a bad thing.  In fact, it's a very good thing.  But it's something so absent in my life, I've let it consume me.  I adore it, crave it, covet it, dream about it, glorify it, idolize it, sanctify it, treasure it, weep for it, & virtually worship it...  It's something I want, & even deserve, so badly---but not having it just dominates my thoughts.  And realizing that doesn't help when it's ultimately such a good thing...

I would simply ask all of you:  What is your god?   Is it God?  Or is it something else?  If you've made something else your god, & you really take an honest look at yourself, I think you'll see a lot of imbalance & pain in your life...I certainly do...

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Closing Time

A very sad event is approaching...As of this month, I've been a weekly dancer at the MAC (Murray Arts Centre) for 6 whole years.  There's maybe 6 weekends a year that I don't go to the MAC.  I have so many memories, I've had such great times, & I've met so many wonderful people there...  It holds a special place in my heart like few other places do.

For those uninformed, the MAC consists of 2 buildings, with dances going on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, & Saturday nights.  The dancing is a spread between Swing, Latin, & Ballroom (depending on the night), with all kinds of lessons each week.  It has the greatest variety of dancing I've ever seen.  I've been an avid dancer there Saturday nights, where in the South Building they have a great mix of Swing, Latin, & Ballroom, with a wonderful DJ, & great people.

But the economy has really been hitting the owners of the MAC hard...  Attendance has been down severely, & apparently for the last 6 months or so, they haven't even been breaking even---they've been losing money every week.  So last night, they announced that after this coming Saturday, they'll be suspending Saturday Night dances in the South Building.  They hope to start up again once the economy improves, but who knows when that will happen...

It's really heartbreaking...  So many of us look forward to it every week, or at least as often as we're able to go.  There's plenty of other Dance Venues to do Lindy-Hop, West Coast Swing, & Latin, but Saturday Nights at the MAC is really the only place around to do East Coast Swing or Ballroom.  I don't know what we're going to do...

I can hear half the Lindy-Hoppers in Utah now:  "No big loss---more time to do Lindy.  East Coast sucks, Latin sucks, Ballroom sucks, the MAC sucks..."   Let me ask you Lindy-Hoppers a few questions:

"Have you ever actually been to the MAC on Saturday Nights?"  90% of you---NO.  Most of you have just heard about it from others, most of whom I ask these next few questions:

"Do you know much East Coast, Latin, or Ballroom?"  90% of you---NO.  Most of you just know Lindy-Hop, some Charleston, & maybe a little Balboa or Shag.

"When you've gone to the MAC, did you make any attempt to actually learn any East Coast, Latin, or Ballroom?"  90% of you---NO.  You just want to Lindy to the Swing songs, & end up disappointed when there aren't as many Swing songs as you're used to, & when there aren't many (if any) people there who know how to Lindy.

"When you've gone to the MAC, did you ask people to dance that you didn't know, & try to meet new people?"  90% of you---NO.  Most of you just end up being anti-social with the other Lindy-Hoppers you come with. 

The vast, vast majority of people who talk trash about the MAC have never really...participated in the "MAC experience".  And far too many Lindy-Hoppers in Utah seem to take pleasure in talking trash about the MAC.  But in the end, it comes down to 1 of 2 issues.  The first is simply a lack of interest in Non-Lindy.  If you really, really, really like one particular form of Dance or Music, & just don't care for many/any others, that's fine.  But it's just about your individual taste---not any kind of inherent inferiority of other forms of Dancing or Music.

But the biggest issue is with certain people that, for around 5 years, I've thought of, quite frankly, as "The Lindy Snobs".  There are certain people in the Lindy Community who think that Lindy-Hop is just inherently superior to any other form of Dance, Swing or otherwise.  Sure, it is the most complex---I've seen more intricate technique in Lindy-Hop than in any Latin or Ballroom Dance.  But complexity doesn't equal superiority, & far too many Lindy-Hoppers look down on less-complex forms of Dance, especially less-complex Swing Dances, with absolute disdain.

I like Lindy-Hop---I love Lindy-Hop.  Heck, I've been doing more Lindy than anything else for a while.  But you know what?  Sometimes simpler can be better.  I can't count the number of newbies that I've seen scared off by the complexity of Lindy-Hop, but I've danced with countless newbies with no dance experience who picked up East Coast easily.  It's perfectly fine to prefer one type of Dance, but I'm fed-up with the complete arrogance of some Lindy-Hoppers in thinking that they're superior people simply because they're good at a more complex Dance.

Sorry about the rant...I've put up with far too much crap from the Lindy Snobs over the years...  And it's not like they're directly responsible for Saturday Nights at the MAC's South Building closing down---they could've supported the MAC more, but it's mainly the economy...all of the Dance Venues have been suffering, & the MAC has the most.  But what really angers me is how many Lindy-Hoppers are going to be happy about this closure at the MAC, no matter who or how many people they know & like that are unhappy about it.

At any rate...

This is really a sad time for us who love the MAC...  There's no other place for us to do East Coast or Ballroom, let alone both of those mixed in with Latin.  This closure is going to leave a big hole in our Dancing lives...  And there's so many people that I only see at the MAC---I don't want to drift away from them.

I know nothing lasts in this life, including Dance.  Popularity of Dances Venues comes & goes, as well as Dances themselves.  But it's just hard...  I first started dancing up at the Weber State Swing Club, & I got to watch that Venue die...it was heartbreaking, & so depressing...  And I've been watching the same thing happen to the MAC this year...

Maybe things will pick up when the economy improves.  I have a friend who was a regular at the MAC 10-12 years ago, until things died down.  And when I started going 6 years ago, it was in its prime again.  Things come & go, including little highs & lows within bigger highs & lows.  And this is one of the bigger lows...

It's not like I planned to go to the MAC every week for the rest of my life---or any of the other Dance Venues, or anything else I do every week.  All of them are things I expect to leave behind at some point when I need to move on in life.  But we all want to move on because we're ready, not because something we love dies...

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Copyright vs. Free Exchange

A friend of mine recently posted a link on Facebook to a rather lengthy article describing the history of Copyright, & its implications today.  The subject is very important today, with people sharing music, software, & other ideas freely (often in defiance of Copyright laws).  I apologize for the length of the article, but it's a very interesting read:

http://questioncopyright.org/promise

There's a whole lot of truth in there, & Copyright law has gone way overboard on so many levels...  For example, if someone wants to copy/pirate a song, they can find a way to do it---there are programs that can bypass DRM (Digital Rights Management) coding in a song-file by re-recording the song straight from the sound-card.  So if someone really wants a song without paying for it, they can find a way to get it, & they really can't be stopped.  DRM coding did/does more harm to people trying to use their own music legally & honestly than it did to those trying to use it illegally & dishonestly.

But there still is precedent, both legal and moral, for Copyright.  The "Free Exchange Movement" has many, many benefits, as that article clearly illustrates.  It helps encourage the spread of ideas & creativity like never before.  Many people are perfectly willing to give their creations away for free, for as simple & selfless reasons as others' enjoyment or the betterment of the world.

And there are quite often ways to make a living off of creativity without a "pay-per-copy" system---as the article gives as an example, many musicians give their music away for free, and the resulting word-of-mouth publicity brings them more money (via concerts/performances, other appearances, endorsements, etc.) than the "pay-per-copy" system would.

But there are those who still directly depend on their creations for their livelihood.  Some don't have any other job or form of income.  Some don't have the money, opportunity, time, popularity, or other means (like the example in the previous paragraph) to make money while giving their creation away for free.  If they can figure out a way to do it, that's great!  So many artists/creators are figuring out how / gaining the ability to do it, which is ultimately better (they still get to make a living, & we get what we want for free!).  But for those who can't do that yet, they deserve to be paid for their creation.

The article makes the point that digital media---things like images, sound/music, video, coding/programming/software, etc.---aren't the same as physical objects.  It takes money to make each individual object, so for each object obtained for free, money is lost by the creator. But with digital media, countless copies can be made for free.

All that is true, but as I said, some people still directly depend on their creations for their livelihood---some people still depend on their efforts for their livelihood.  Whether physical objects or digital media, effort has been put forth.  In this way, digital media is more like a service.  When you give service, you don't run out of it, but you still deserve compensation for others to benefit from it.

Many people choose to give their creations away for free, opting not to personally profit from their efforts, which is great.  But those people choose to do so.  And others who still directly depend on their efforts & creations for their livelihood have the right to receive compensation, if they choose to do so.  In the end, it could be simply put this way:  "If I put forth effort, I have the right to demand compensation for you to benefit from that effort."

The "Free Exchange Movement" has almost unimaginable potential & benefit, & should be supported.  I encourage all artists/creators to figure out ways to make a living while allowing their creations to be copied & transferred freely.  But many people still directly depend on their efforts & creations for their livelihood, & have the right to receive compensation.  That's why I support the principle of Copyright (if not the manners in which publishers & distributors have upheld it).

“Justice is the firm and continuous desire to render to everyone that which is his due.”

Change

I look at a lot of the stresses & dissatisfactions in my life since I've graduated High School, & I've come to realize what the source of a lot of them are:  Change.  Both change itself, and a lack of it.  Change in the world around me, and a lack of change in my own life.  As I've mentioned before, change can be great, but it can also really suck.  But a lack of change can be both good & bad as well.  And looking back over the last 8 years or so, my life has had far too much of the bad change, & the bad lack of change.

Dancing...  I've been dancing for over 7 1/2 years, & I've been part of the Salt Lake Dance scene for almost 6 1/2...  And I feel like the dance scene is dying...  Not necessarily completely---all venues & scenes go through ups & downs, but those ups & downs are usually little ups & downs within bigger ups & downs.  A friend of mine used to be a regular at the MAC like 10 years ago, & the scene was great.  Then it died...& he & all his friends stopped going...  But when I started going about 6 years ago, the MAC was at the peak of popularity again---& now it's largely dead...  I suppose I just need to accept that...and maybe move on...but I long for the "up" to come back soon...  And even the Lindy scene isn't what it used to be...& I don't see any signs of an approaching "up"...

Then there's my personal life...  I'm almost 26 and still living at home...not a Returned Missionary...never had a full-time job...not anywhere near done with college...never had a girlfriend...  So many elements of "growing up" just haven't happened for me...  But they've happened to just about everyone around me.  Everyone seems to being going in life where I want to, but I can't figure out how they do it.!  How do you all do it?!  How do you live away from home before getting a college degree?!  How do you get a decent job without a college degree?!  How did you figure out what you want to do with your life?!  How do you find so many people who actually want to go out with you?!  How do you handle work, & school, & living on your own, & still manage to have a social life?!

But ultimately, I've come to realize something...  All the things around me that are changing that I'm not happy about all fall into 1 of 3 categories:  Friends not coming around, friends getting married, or friends moving away.  What I've come to realize is that everyone else is moving on with life, & going through change in life, but I'm not.  If I was, I wouldn't mind so much things changing for my friends.  But because my life isn't changing, I'm not ready for (or happy about) my friends' lives changing.  Because that change takes them away from me.

If I was moving on in life with them, it'd be okay...  If I was putting my heart into school or entering a career...if I was finding a serious girlfriend (or any girlfriend, for that matter), or even getting married & starting a family...if I was going through good changes in life, that good would fill the void left by my friends who are leaving me behind...  Change is inevitable.  I understand that, but I guess I need to accept it more...I need to accept that the people I love are going through good change, & I need to be happy for them.  But that attitude will only get me so far until I can figure out how to get my own life to change...for the better...

"When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can turn into deadly projectiles."