One of my earliest (and most important) Blog-Posts was on the subject of Detox. I'd like to use that term again, but in a very different light...
There are all kinds of things that we love... People, places, things, events, activities, philosophies... There are so many things to love, & so many ways of loving them. And we never seem to get tired of it---we always seem to be able to find new things to love, & are always so willing to do so.
We love people... We love people romantically...people who fill us up, ignite our souls, & who seem to take all the luster of life with them when they leave. And we love people platonically...people who make us smile, laugh, or simply think...people who brighten our day just by being around us. We love objects...beautiful pictures, delicious foods, electronic devices... We love all sorts of things...fun & loving animals, enjoyable hobbies & activities, stories & ideas, passions & causes...
Love is an amazing thing... It inspires us & excites us...it fills us with excitement & wonder...it brings us joy, amusement, & happiness. It enriches our lives, gives us strength we never thought we had, & makes life worth living.
But love doesn't always feel so good. With so many things, sometimes we can't obtain or achieve what we love, or can't see it come to fruition.
Sometimes someone we care about more than anything else in the world doesn't feel the same. Sometimes there's a barrier keeping us from even finding out if they feel the same, let alone if it could actually work out. Sometimes we give into fear, & can never summon the courage to let someone know how much they mean to us. And sometimes we don't event know what to say given the opportunity...
Sometimes life keeps---or even takes---a friend away from us before a deeper friendship can blossom. Sometimes we can't figure out how to tell someone just how much we value their company, & how much joy they bring into our lives. Sometimes a friend we thought we had simply walks away. And again, sometimes fear or ineloquence simply stops us in our tracks....
Sometimes the busyness or problems in our life keep us from activities & events we enjoy...keep us from developing talents & starting hobbies that we've always wanted to pursue. Sometimes life allows us just enough time to start something, but never enough time to finish it...so the sweetest fruits & greatest joys of something remain out of reach. Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we just can't find or make the time to participate in causes that we deeply believe in, & we simply end up as silent witnesses or passengers to the goings-on of the world around us...
We love so many things, & so often we can't obtain them... And the longer things go, the more frustrating it becomes. As time goes by, we long more & more for the things we love, & only grow more discontent with not having them in our lives. We dream, we hope, we pray, & we strive, but so often we don't seem to get any closer to the things we love. And sometimes we simply miss our chance... People leave our lives for good, events come & go, groups dissolve, projects end... Opportunities pass out of our lives, but our love for them doesn't. It stays inside us, still loving the thing we never had, but somehow lost. But whether something we love stays or leaves, the longer our love for something goes unfulfilled or unexpressed, the heavier that love becomes...
Weeks, months, or years go by, & sometimes the things we love stay distant & unobtainable...while our lives are filled with mundane responsibilites & trivial details that our hearts just aren't in, yet somehow take priority. We think so much on the people, places, & things we love, but end up with far more wanting & wishing than having. And it starts to hurt. It starts to ache... And a part of you starts to resent the thing you love---wishing that you didn't love it so much, because of how much you hate the feeling of wanting it, & not having it. And when all of this goes too long & too deep, your heart goes dark as you realize that something you love brings you more pain than joy...
When love goes unfulfilled or unexpressed for so long, it starts to sink in & weigh you down. It starts to eat away at you inside. It turns bitter & caustic, hurting every time you think about it. You love it so much, but you hate the way it makes you feel. There's no reconciling those two things---at some point, you either have to obtain or achieve the thing you love, or you have to let it go. And not knowing which to do is the worst part...
But the thing that stings & haunts you the most when you can't obtain something you love is when you can't even try---when you can't even really express your love. You can't tell someone how you feel. You can't enjoy something wonderful. You can't take a shot at achieving something great. You can't be a part of something bigger than yourself. You can't even find out if the joy, wonder, or happiness you want is even obtainable. As cliche & contrived a phrase as it may be, we all have so much love to give... But far too often, fear, busy schedules, higher priorities, or even outright barriers keep that love from seeing the light of day, & it becomes more a curse than a blessing---what began as a precious jewel becomes a red-hot coal that you can't put down.
So I've come to a sad, somber conclusion: I've decided that love is a toxin---if you get it out of your system, you stay healthy...but if you keep it inside, it slowly kills you...
"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel."
