The word "damn" is very interesting... It comes from the same route as "dam", as in a beaver or hydroelectric dam. It means "to halt something in it's progression". Just as a concrete dam halts a river in it's progression downstream, sin halts us in our spiritual progression. The various religious applications of this are interesting, but I'd like to use the term "damned" in a more worldly way...
I feel so unbelievably damned in life...my progression is so haulted...I'm so stuck in life... I've been in a horrible rut before in life, for a long time...but not like this... Before I was largely just slacking off...but now...I just don't know what to do...about anything...
I want to move out on my own so badly, but I don't have anywhere near the income to support myself! So that comes to job-hunting...which is the biggest pain in all of creation... And in this economy? My GOSH! And the thing is, I have a job---the trick is finding a better job!
So what about school? I totally crashed out of school right around a year ago...I was unmotivated, overworked, rethinking my major...things just fell apart. But as much as I hate school, I accept that I might have to go back & finish. But the thing is (setting aside the fact the fact that I have no money for school), I have no idea what I would want to go into! None! Nada! Zero! Zip! Zilch! No idea whatsoever! It's so frustrating...it's one of those things that, growing up, society told me that I'd just kind of "figure out" within the first few years after High School......hah.
Some have suggested that I just get some kind of "General Education" degree, or something relatively general & flexible like "Business" or "English" or whatever... But there's no way in Hell I'd be able to endure the hell of 2 or 3 years of school when it's something I'm not at all motivated in... And especially when I have no clue what I'd do with any such degree (let alone motivation for said unknown career). I don't expect to know the exact job title & description of my future job at this point, but how am I expected to get somewhere if I don't have the slightest idea of what direction to go?
And what about girls? See previous posts for my thoughts on girls & dating... 95% of the girls I want to ask out, I can't! And dating is so insane...people have all kinds of screwed up ideas about dating... I don't know where to start---I still don't even know the best way(s) to ask a girl out! Here I am, 25 years old, & I feel like I have the dating skills of a 16-year-old... What the HELL am I supposed to do?!
I just...I dunno... I don't want anyone to think that I'm feeling suicidal, 'cause I'm not... I'm just completely, ultimately, overwhelmingly stuck in life...and I don't even know where to begin......
"The damned that we number ourselves amongst were not meant for sleep. Our lot is to whittle away hours, awake and brooding."
