The "Choice" of Happiness

Few things make my blood boil more than hearing people say that "happiness is a choice".  We certainly have a great deal of influence over our own happiness, but there's a lot more to it than that, & I'd like to explain why.

First off, I fully concede that you can't be happy without a positive attitude.  Those who are pessimistic at heart will always find something to complain about---there is, after all, an endless supply of faults & sorrow in this world.  You'll never be able to rise above all the negative without being able to think positive.

Second, I don't want to get into an esoteric, philosophical discussion of what happiness "is".  We all have moments of happiness, but while uninterupted bliss is completely unrealistic, there are those who are truly happy in life as a whole---they're in a place where most things are going fairly well, & they have enough good in their lives to outweigh & overcome the bad.

But you can't just "decide" to be happy, & then you'll just be happy.  Do you think Christ was happy while suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane & on the Cross?  Do you think Job was happy after having lost his home, possessions, family, health, & nearly his life?  Do you think they could have been happy during those times?  Those may be extreme examples, but they're perfectly valid.  There are circumstances in this world that you can prevent you from being happy, at least for a time.

Here are a number of situations that can prevent happiness in one's life:  You can't be happy if you're suffering from actual, full-blown depression.  You can't be happy if you're in severe, constant pain.  You can't be happy if you're not living righteously.  You can't be happy if you don't have close, emotional relationships with others.  You can't be happy if you don't have structure, purpose, & direction in life.  And many other things...

It's important to point out that we all have the power to act---to do things to change the negative circumstances in our lives, to enable ourselves to be happy.  But happiness can't just be dispensed at the push of a button by "deciding" do be happy.  We have control over many circumstances that affect our emotions, but when we're feeling an emotion, in that moment, we have no control over feeling that way.  We can control how we react to our emotions, & in the long term that can affect our future emotions---but in the moment, you can't control how you feel.

Most immediately, everyone needs to understand that sometimes we need to not be happy.  When something really bad happens to us, when someone close to us dies, or when we suffer some great loss or pain, we feel very unhappy---and we need to feel that unhappiness.  We can't just ignore emotions we don't want to feel (which is the subject of another upcoming Blog-post...).  Even the Bible agrees with this:  "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven . .  . A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;"  ---Ecclesiastes 3:1&4.  We shouldn't unduly dwell on sadness, but to repress or suppress feelings of unhappiness when they come upon us is incredibly emotionally unhealthy, & even damaging.  We need to rise above unhappiness, but we need to go through it first.

And often that takes time.  You can't just have a "good cry" for a few minutes, hours, or days just to "get it out of your system".  Every situation, & every person, is different---we all have to deal with sadness, depression, & unhappiness in our own way, & in our own time.  Some people are capable of doing it fairly quickly---good for them.  But others aren't so lucky.  And it's not always because they're "not handling it well".  Don't judge someone's emotional state when you aren't them, & when you don't know what they've gone through or are going through now.

But the thing I want to stress the most is the message you send someone when you tell them that "happiness is a choice":  No matter what horrible circumstances they're in, no matter what terrible pain they're going through, no matter how much they don't want to feel as unhappy as they are, you're telling them that their unhappiness is completely their own fault.  How do you think THAT makes them feel???  It only makes them feel worse---you're shaming them into thinking that all the emotional pain they're going through means nothing, & that they are solely to blame.  That's why it makes me so angry to hear people say that "happiness is a choice".  Few things hurt so deeply to hear for those who are unhappy.

We have control over our attitudes, & we should adopt a positive one.  We have control over our actions, & how we thereby react to our emotions & situations.  But to tell an unhappy person that "happiness is a choice" is nothing less than to spit in their face!  So when someone you care about is really going through something, instead of coldly dismissing their pain, show them some real empathy & support.  And most of all, do what you can (as far as they're comfortable with) to help them go through their pain---because few things are as terrible as not only being miserable, but being alone in your misery.

"Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action."

Who Reads My Blog? You Should Read My Blog.

Who reads my Blog?  You should read my Blog.

I haven't gotten any comments on my posts in quite a while.  I guess it doesn't help that I don't post very often, or at predictable times or invervals.  But this Blog is actually pretty important to me---it's a venue to get some things out of my system that I otherwise usually can't.  I posted incredibly frequently early on (once a week for 4 months!), then got really bad...I just keep forgetting...  But I've been improving.  And I do have a number of ideas for posts, including several important ones that I intend to do very soon.

My Blog is kind of interesting...  A handful of posts are about random things that aren't all that important in retrospect.  A handful are kind of emo...I guess I just needed to vent at the time...  And a handful are about girls---some may think some of those posts to be somewhat harsh or angry, but I stand by them (& my latest experience in dating only serves to strengthen those views...).

But in the end, about half of my Blog-posts are things I feel very strongly about, & I feel are really a good read---if nothing else, for people to understand me better.  In particular, 3 of my more "recent" posts (from this past Spring & Summer) are 3 of the most important posts I've ever done...

I fully intend to post more frequently in the future, & I'd really appreciate it if people would give me feedback---whether in the Blog's official Comments section, on the Facebook post where I announce each new Blog-post, or in private.

I'm not overly careful of who I let see my Blog-posts.  First of all, as someone once said, "If you want something to stay private, don't put it on the Internet." ;)  And second, there's plenty of people that I just don't expect to care enough to read my Blog (there's plenty of people that I know, that I like well enough & all, but I'm just not close enough to them to care enough to read theirs...).

But if you value me as anything more than a casual friend, you should read my Blog.  Really.

"There is nothing to writing.  All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."