This post has also been a long time coming...
It's my experience that most extroverts royally suck at dealing with introverts. Seriously, the vast majority of them get a freaking Grade-F on the subject... As an introvert myself, I feel compelled to come right out & say to the extroverts of the world: "You're doin' it wrong"---but I also want to be more constructive & actually explain the differences between us.
The first problem is that far too many of you extroverts have the wrong idea about introverts---you think we're unfriendly or unsocial. There certainly are plenty of anti-social people, who would pretty much all be classified as introverts, but that's not healthy. Humans are social creatures by nature---we crave human connection, & if someone's come to the point where they've largely given up on that, they've clearly had far too many negative experiences, & need more positive, quality social experiences. No human being can ever be emotionally healthy or satisfied without close, personal relationships with other people.
I'm an introvert---but I'm a very social introvert. I like being around people. Quite a lot, actually. Most things I'd prefer to do with people than alone (& even then, most of the things I'll do alone would be more enjoyable with people). Everyone needs to be alone at times, & maybe introverts moreso than extroverts. But just because someone's an introvert doesn't mean they're anti-social---it just means that they're not socially adept, not exceptionally socially skilled, not socially confident, not very good at conversation, etc.
I recently saw a short article that does very well in describing the subject:
"10 Myths About Introverts"
http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts
Introverts really are social people, generally, but it doesn't come as naturally, or flow as easily, as it does for extroverts. We need an actual "reason" to socialize---a particular topic of conversation, a specific activity, etc.---not just "open socialization", like a stereotypical party or mixer. It's incredibly difficult as an introvert to just walk up to a random person for no apparent reason & start a conversation right off the cuff. For all you extroverts reading this, scratching your heads, & wondering "Why is that so hard?", I'll tell you: We don't know! It just is! Introverts simply inherently think & feel differently than extroverts, & in this aspect maybe we're "slower", "behind", or "less capable" than extroverts, but that's just the way we are.
That leads to the next issue: So many extroverts seem to think that introverts just need to learn to completely come out of our shells & become extroverts. Let me make this abundantly clear: It ain't gonna happen. Like I just said, introverts simply inherently think & feel differently than extroverts. Yes, we need to learn to branch out & step out of our comfort zones at times, but you can't expect us to just become "one of you"---being an introvert is a different personality-type, a fundamental part of our being that can't be fundamentally altered.
But ultimately, whether they realize all this or not, so many extroverts simply shake their heads, throw up their hands, & say to themselves, "I just don't understand introverted people..." But you know what? You don't have to understand us to interact with us properly. I don't understand extroverts---the idea of just walking up to a total stranger at a party, introducing myself, & starting up a conversation simply terrifies me, & I don't see how you people can handle it... But even though I don't understand it, I accept that you're comfortable with it, & I approach social situations with extroverts knowing how they're going to behave. Actually understanding it might help more, but simply knowing & accepting the type of person someone is still helps a lot.
The problem is that so many extroverts, because you don't "get" how introverts think, just sort of assume that you should just interact with us like you do with each other, & that we'll eventually "catch up" or something. But it doesn't work that way... As I said, being an introvert is a different personality-type, & treating us like extroverts is just asking for trouble. If there's too much going on, if we get "left behind" socially, if someone's too socially forward, if we're put on the spot, or if we get embarrassed, we don't adapt quickly or easily---we shut down. And if the situation makes us in any way uncomfortable, we even put up walls, & feel the compulsion to extract ourselves from the situation as soon as possible. Maybe not being able to handle awkwardness or uncomfortableness is a failing on our part---but if you just toss someone into the deep end of the pool to teach them how to swim, they're just going to drown...
After all this talk about how not to deal with introverts, it's important to specifically point out how people should deal with introverts. A picture that's been making the rounds on the internet this year explains it pretty well:
"How to Care for Introverts"
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz1mrdBaW31qk20afo1_r2_1280.png
Extroverts, you need to be very courteous & respectful of us introverts. And you need to be patient with us, & even help us out a little. Be willing to initiate interactions, because sometimes we're just not sure how. You might think that you're prone to reaching out to us, but you're really not---we tend to be invisible to you, while you interact with each other. With that in mind, always, always remember my last Blog-Post---only interact with someone because you actually want to, not out of some over-the-top attempt to be "nice"... But if you really do want to interact with an introvert, you can't leave it all on us. How can you expect an introvert to do something if the extroverts don't seem willing to do it?
And interacting with someone means eventually talking about more than small-talk. Basic pleasantries are "nice", but at some point, if that's all your interactions with someone entail, it's not very meaningful... If you truly want to get to know an introvert, then actually put in the effort to get to know us. But remember: We're fairly socially "hesitant"...we're not prone to talking about personal things...we keep a lot close to the vest...we need to know that someone can be trusted... At each step of the way, we need to feel accepted as person. So getting to know us takes time. And ultimately, the only reason the differences between introverts & extroverts, & our interactions with each other, really matter is in regards to friendship. So quit making friendshipping so hard for us...
I think the best thing for extroverts to do in interacting with introverts is to put yourselves in our shoes. But not in the way of "What would I, an extrovert, do in the situation that this introvert is in?" That completely destroys the purpose. You need to ask yourselves, "What would I do if I were them? What would I do in this situation if I were an introverted person? How can I expect an introverted person to act?" Just because you don't understand how we think & feel doesn't mean you can't accept it, & treat us accordingly. And you need to.
"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow."
