Now that you understand my thoughts on girls' Spinelessness, the other major issue I have with girls is their Indecisiveness. Why does it take so long for a girl to decide whether or not she likes a guy? Why is it so hard? Why do girls seem so afraid to let themselves like a guy?
Our society horribly blurs the lines between dating & friendship. I know they're not completely different, but they're not the same thing! People will say "Oh, but the first date or two should be really casual, because you don't want to rush things." Sure, I'm all for taking things slow & not rushing. But there comes a point when things can be too casual. When it's so casual that you're sitting there thinking "Is this a date, or what?" One of the last girls I "went out with" I still don't think realizes that I thought it was a date...
It can be a date, and still be casual. But it can be casual, and still be a date!
I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I like to make a little distinction between "hanging out" and "going out". I have plenty of female friends that I'd love to "hang out with", even one on one. But the last thing I want is to give them the wrong impression, & make them think that I'm interested. If I want to hang out with a girl, I would think I could just say "Hey, we should hang out sometime." But if I'm interested in a girl, I want to go out with her. So why can't I just say "Hey, do you want to go out sometime?" Why can't I be clear about my intentions? Or more poignantly, why can't girls understand such clear intentions?
Ladies, like I said in my last post, if you just pay attention to obvious social cues, you should be able to tell what a guy's intentions are. In other words, you should be able to tell whether a guy is asking you to "hang out" or "go out". Sure, sometimes people just "hang out" and then end up dating later. But some guys have a really hard time doing that without getting sucked into the "Just Friends" category. After all, the longer you know someone, the harder (and more awkward) it is to try to "change" the relationship to something more. At what point do you "change" things? Some of us can know fairly soon if we could be interested in a girl, so why can't we "ask the girl out" before we know them really, really well as a friend?
At any rate, here's something that I really don't think a lot of girls realize: If a guy "asks you out", it's because he likes you! Shocking, huh? But just because he "likes you", doesn't mean he's practically in love with you and ready to be your boyfriend! It feels like girls really "hold out" on letting themselves like a guy until they're "really sure" that he could be someone they could get serious with. Being interested in someone has nothing to do with being ready for something serious!
You want pure honesty? I'd say between half and two-thirds of the girls I know, I'd like to go out with, based on physical and emotional attraction. It's not that I'm interested in just anyone (because there's plenty of girls that I'm just not interested in), but I'm not picky! Attractive, sweet, wonderful girls are in no short supply---they're everywhere!
So ladies, when a guy asks you out, it's because he's interested in you. So at heart, "Do you want to go out sometime?" isn't really the guy asking "Do you want to go do something together?" He's asking if you're interested in him. He's asking "Are you at all attracted to me? Do you feel any amount of affection for me? Do you feel any desire to be closer to me? Do you see any possibility of us becoming more than just friends? Do you feel any romantic feelings for me?"
But again, being interested in someone has nothing to do with being ready for something serious! It's about how you feel about them! Yeah, if you barely know a guy, then I don't expect you to know if you're interested. But you don't have to know a guy intimately to know how they make you feel! All you really need is to know their personality, and to understand what kind of a person they are. Sometimes it takes months, but sometimes only weeks or days---it all just depends on the quality of your interactions with them.
When I go out socializing, I put myself out there openly & honestly. Shallow, social-climbing people aren't the type of people who would want to hang around me, and I'm not rich or popular anyway, so people have nothing to gain by taking advantage of me socially. And the kind of girls that I'd be interested in would be the same. Additionally, the fact that I'm LDS says a whole lot about the kind of person I am and what I'm looking for (and the same goes for the LDS girls I'm looking for.). So honestly, after several different interactions with someone, I take them for what they seem. And you know what? Very seldom have I ever been very wrong about the kind of person someone is.
What it all comes down to is this: I can know fairly soon if I'm interested---why can't girls? Make up your minds! Are you attracted to him or not? Do you feel anything for him or not? It's okay to be interested in someone, and it's also okay not to be! So if you're just not interested in a guy, then admit it to yourself, and to him! As great a guy as he might be, if you just don't feel it, then you just don't feel it!
Do you know what happens otherwise? You lead guys on. I've been lead on for entire summers and plenty of time in between... I'd say literally around three-fourths of the heartache I've gone through could've been avoided if the girls had just turned me down. I don't want to be led on anymore...God in heaven, I don't want to be lead on anymore... I can handle rejection, and I can handle break-ups. But the idea of being led on again like I have before just makes me want to curl up in the fetal position in the corner of a closet & sob uncontrollably...I'm not even kidding...
"If you can't make your mind up
We'll never get started
And I don't want to wind up
Being parted, broken-hearted
So if you really love me, say yes
But if you don't, dear, confess
And please don't tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps"
We'll never get started
And I don't want to wind up
Being parted, broken-hearted
So if you really love me, say yes
But if you don't, dear, confess
And please don't tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps"
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