The word "damn" is very interesting... It comes from the same route as "dam", as in a beaver or hydroelectric dam. It means "to halt something in it's progression". Just as a concrete dam halts a river in it's progression downstream, sin halts us in our spiritual progression. The various religious applications of this are interesting, but I'd like to use the term "damned" in a more worldly way...
I feel so unbelievably damned in life...my progression is so haulted...I'm so stuck in life... I've been in a horrible rut before in life, for a long time...but not like this... Before I was largely just slacking off...but now...I just don't know what to do...about anything...
I want to move out on my own so badly, but I don't have anywhere near the income to support myself! So that comes to job-hunting...which is the biggest pain in all of creation... And in this economy? My GOSH! And the thing is, I have a job---the trick is finding a better job!
So what about school? I totally crashed out of school right around a year ago...I was unmotivated, overworked, rethinking my major...things just fell apart. But as much as I hate school, I accept that I might have to go back & finish. But the thing is (setting aside the fact the fact that I have no money for school), I have no idea what I would want to go into! None! Nada! Zero! Zip! Zilch! No idea whatsoever! It's so frustrating...it's one of those things that, growing up, society told me that I'd just kind of "figure out" within the first few years after High School......hah.
Some have suggested that I just get some kind of "General Education" degree, or something relatively general & flexible like "Business" or "English" or whatever... But there's no way in Hell I'd be able to endure the hell of 2 or 3 years of school when it's something I'm not at all motivated in... And especially when I have no clue what I'd do with any such degree (let alone motivation for said unknown career). I don't expect to know the exact job title & description of my future job at this point, but how am I expected to get somewhere if I don't have the slightest idea of what direction to go?
And what about girls? See previous posts for my thoughts on girls & dating... 95% of the girls I want to ask out, I can't! And dating is so insane...people have all kinds of screwed up ideas about dating... I don't know where to start---I still don't even know the best way(s) to ask a girl out! Here I am, 25 years old, & I feel like I have the dating skills of a 16-year-old... What the HELL am I supposed to do?!
I just...I dunno... I don't want anyone to think that I'm feeling suicidal, 'cause I'm not... I'm just completely, ultimately, overwhelmingly stuck in life...and I don't even know where to begin......
"The damned that we number ourselves amongst were not meant for sleep. Our lot is to whittle away hours, awake and brooding."
4 comments:
So, why do you want to move out, and why do you want a girl?
What would you do with those things?
Nisan just called girls "things"
Yes, I also called "moving out" a "thing".
I don't really have anything to say about the school thing. If I were you, I would wait and see if you find something you're interested in before going back.
As for girls, the best way to hone your dating skills is to... well... date. Maybe try meeting people online. It sounds a little skeevy, I know, but it works for some people. It's a fairly easy way to meet people you KNOW are going to be single. You don't have to go into it expecting to find your soul mate or anything, but it would maybe be a good way to meet interesting new people. Just a thought.
And the English major in me can't help but point out that "damn" is derived from Latin and "dam" is Germanic. They're actually not really related, etymologically speaking. But that's neither here nor there.
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