I'm severely lacking in certain people-skills...
I have this friend...at least I thought they were a friend...that I haven't seen in ages. I really value their friendship, & I miss them like crazy. But I feel like they've been blowing me off... I don't message them too often by any means, but often enough that they should realize I'm not just randomly messaging them in passing. I really think they should realize that I miss them & want to see them. But I'm getting nothing back...I feel like I'm the only one putting anything into our friendship...
I really want them to know that I miss them, and that I'm hurt that I never see or even hear from them. But I don't want to come off as clingy or needy... More than anythying, I'm don't want to elicit a pity-friendship response... As a little kid I was a total nerd, & got picked on a lot, so a lot of the nice kids were particularly "nice" to me. But I knew that it wasn't because they actually wanted to spend time with me---it was because they felt sorry for me. I don't want that, because it's not real. It's not...genuine. It means a lot to me when people say or do things they don't have to. But more importantly, when they do them for the right reasons.
I feel like if I confronted my friend about this, they'd almost certainly make the time to spend some time with me. But I couldn't be sure if it was because they felt bad for hurting me, or because they felt bad about themself. The first would be more about making me feel better, and the latter about making them feel better. If this friend of mine spends time with me, I want it to be because they actually want to spend time with me. I don't want them to spend time with me out of guilt... I guess what I'm afraid of the most is that I don't mean as much to them as a friend as I thought I did...
Maybe I'm over-thinking things, and making the situation a bigger deal than it should be...but genuineness is very, very important to me... Any real, lasting friends I've had have come from a very genuine love for me as a person. Anything else I've had have just been "nice people" that I've been "acquainted with". Which is nice, but it's not friendship...and it shouldn't be disguised as such. I just wish I knew what to do about this friend of mine...
I'm severely lacking in certain people-skills...
"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."
2 comments:
I don't know anything about this person, but there are a number of reasons for why they might seem to be blowing you off. Maybe it's been so long since they saw you that they don't know how to unawkwardly resume contact. I'm a little ashamed to say that I have done this before to my friends. Maybe all you need to do is take the initiative and suggest a plan for a visit that's easy to accept.
Social skills are a difficult thing. I notice that most people have trouble interacting socially. There are so many dynamics to interpersonal communication, that it is best to not take things personal to these interactions. Just as nisan had eluded to, when you haven't seen someone for a while, the interaction can be difficult. I had a friend who I hadn't seen for years and upon our reunion, I notice that the old chemistry wasn't there. It took a few more contacts after out reunion before the we were communicating without barriers.
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