It's Christmas Eve, & I wax nostalgic...
The Holiday Season really flew by for me this year... I've been busy w/work, dancing, computer-viri, being exhausted... I guess it hasn't been a total loss...I haven't been completely superficial about Christmas, I've put a little though into it's true meaning, I got all my shopping done, I got some great Christmas-dances in...
But the thing that's really been occupying my thoughts this season is friends. Friends are an interesting thing... They say that "Friends come and go, but family is forever", which I guess is true in a lot of ways. But on the other hand, I would say that "Family is family regardless---but you choose your friends." My family are good people, it's hard to picture my life without them, & they're far from the last people I'd choose to associate with...but they're far from first, too. You might say that friends are the people we choose to be family.
But more than the fact that you choose your friends is that they choose you. We all know people that we think are really cool or really fun, and maybe they "like" us, but they just don't seem to esteem us as highly as we do them (which isn't anything personal). But every now & then, we meet someone that seems to think that we're as awesome as we think they are.
That concept is so wonderful to me... Your family kind of has to love you. Sure, some people's families don't, but there really is an obligation to love your family. And sure, we all have an obligation to "love our fellow man", but that's not quite the same as the deep, personal love of friendship. Friends are people who love you when they don't have to. That's really something special.
At any rate, I've been thinking a lot about my friends...more specifically, about people who "used to be my friends", you might say... I've never had a "falling out" with anyone, but sometimes people just grow apart...people get busy, move on with life, move away... And then one day you realize that your friendship isn't the same. Not like they're simply "someone I used to know", & certainly not like they're "not my friend any more", but more like they're "a friend I used to know".
How sad... I know change is inevitable, & I know that sometimes change is good. But sometimes...sometimes change really sucks. I don't want to lose any more friends...I don't want anyone else to drift away... My friends mean so much to me, & I miss my "old friends" so much...friends from High School, that I've hardly seen since then...friends from the Weber State Swing Club, who I've hardly seen since they left...friends from the Weber State Dance Team, who I've hardly seen since I left...friends from the U of Utah Swing Club, the Golden Skillet, & the Murray Arts Centre, who haven't come in ages...
I don't want anyone else to become "a friend I used to know". Life is about people. I hate it when people leave...I hate missing people that matter to me...because when they're gone, a part of me is missing...
"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."
2 comments:
Interesting thoughts! I HATE losing friends too. And it happens so often! I think back to all the good times I had with so many people I never even talk to anymore and it's a little bit sad. :( But maybe we'll get more time with them in the next life...who knows!
Amen to that. I miss all my old friends. I miss being with them and talking with them. I miss the camradre. And though I wouldn't exchange my son and husband for the world, sometimes it's just so lonely.
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