Caring for Introverts

This past summer, I wrote an important Blog-post called "Introverts & Extroverts".  This post is a follow-up to that---I hope to expand on what I said, & give further insight into how to interact with introverts.

In that Blog-post, I posted a link to an article titled "10 Myths About Introverts".  Read it.  Then read it again.  And again.  Memorize the things it talks about.  And not just the 10 main points---the extrapolatory paragraphs are absolutely filled with little treasures about introverts' thoughts, feelings, & behaviors.  It's an amazing article.  Later in that Blog-post, I posted another link to an image titled "How to Care for Introverts".  It's also incredibly insightful---and incredibly simple.

I've seen people post links to a similar image titled "How to Care for Extroverts".  I don't disagree with the points that image makes, but I do not put much thought into them---because comparatively, extroverts don't need much caring for.  They're quite capable of caring for themselves, and for each other.  And even when they're not being cared for, they're much more capable of dealing with it than introverts are.  We live in an extrovert-friendly, introvert-unfriendly society, and not nearly enough extroverts understand that.

So here are some more of my thoughts on caring for introverts:

As introverts, we have a comfort-zone of interactions & activities, & a bubble of personal-space.  It's not that we never want to come out of our comfort-zone, or that we never want to let anyone into our bubble---but we don't want do be dragged out of our comfort-zone, or have our bubble invaded.  Essentially, what we want is for people to knock on the door, wait for us to respond, & then politely ask if we'd like to come out or if they can come in.  And you know what?  Sometimes the answer is "no".  But that rarely means "never"---it ususally means "not right now".

When it comes to our comfort-zone of interactions & activities, sometimes we need to sit by the fence & watch for a while before we feel comfortable coming out.  And even then, sometimes we only feel like coming a little ways out, so we can jump right back into our comfort-zone as soon as we start feeling uncomfortable.  Let us do this, & we'll slowly get more & more comfortable, & be more willing to start coming further out of our comfort-zone, & for longer periods of time.  But rush us, or try to push us into something we're not comfortable with, & it's not going to happen---& it'll only delay our willingness to try again.

When it comes to our bubble of personal-space, we need to feel comfortable with someone as a person before we're willing to let them into our bubble.  We need to spend time in close proximity with them on a regular basis.  And even once we're willing to let them in, it's not an "all or nothing" deal.  Start with simple things like a handshake, a high-five, or a fist-bump (as silly & superficial as those might seem).  From there, things like a pat on the back or a quick shoulder-side-hug.  And so on.  But rush us, or try to push us into accepting too much physical contact (or even just too close a proximity), & you'll make us incredibly uncomfortable---& it'll only make us far more hesitant to allow it in the future.

But the final (& possibly most important) thing to understand regarding interactions with introverts---whether physical, conversational, or activity-wise--- is that you have to ask.  You have to try.  You have to make the effort.  You can't expect the introverts to do it all.  We set the tone & pace of things, yes, but we still need to know that the extroverts want those interactions with us.  As I said in my previous Blog-post, "How can you expect an introvert to do something if the extroverts don't seem willing to do it?"  Don't be constantly trying to pressure us into things, but if you don't even offer, we certainly won't.

"Introvert conversations are like jazz, where each player gets to solo for a nice stretch before the other player comes in and does his solo.  And like jazz, once we get going, we can play all night.  Extrovert conversations are more like tennis matches, where thoughts are batted back and forth, and players need to be ready to respond.  Introverts get winded pretty quickly."